A Public Exercise in Detachment

During my time spent in America - my solo Stateside odyssey - I spent a large amount of solitary time in bars, cafes and in restaurants. Anyone travelling independently for a considerable length of time can't really avoid such situations even if they want to. For a lot of people the prospect of being alone in such situations may seem unpleasant or undesireable, somehow outside of 'acceptable' social conventions even. Personally, I've grown to enjoy it.

It is strange how so readily people who travel alone are prepared to latch onto another, with a persistancy that I find beguiling and often an unwelcome irritation. Not always of course, it pivots around the twin determinants of mood and circumstance. That said, I would always be much more content by myself, if the alternative were to be cemented in the company of people with whom conversation is stilted, perfunctory and awkward. Laboured company for the sake for alleviating solitude is not something I'm interested in.

It is interesting to observe though, the obsessive-compulsive attachment people have developed to new technologies as a means of suppressing self-conscious feelings that would otherwise seep awkwardly to the fore. Watch next time when one half of a couple in a restaurant or bar rises to go to the toilet or to get more drinks. Within a matter of seconds the tragic victim of this desertion will have sought easy refuge with their phone or iPod; checking messages, posting tweets or updating statuses. What is it about the psychology of those in public environments that gives them cause to delve into the safe realm of the online world as soon as they become marooned in its physical equivalent?

The same thing happens in other social situations. When two strangers enter a lift for instance, or when waiting at the same bus shelter. Such close proximity breeds self-consciousness and it is only a matter of agonising microseconds before one of them will elope into the alternate ether of connectivity.

'So what?' you might ask. Surely its better than just sitting there twiddling your thumbs or looking gormlessly around at your surroundings? I'd argue not at all. Next time you find yourself in a situation like this - a friend or colleague has to dash away early from the coffeeshop or a partner attempts to shuffle his or her way through to the bar - fix yourself with mental sturdiness and refuse to give in to that technological habit, however niggling the urge. All it represents is a social crutch, the same as smoking used to be - the preoccupying ritual of holding, lighting and smoking a cigarette.

I'm reminded of a quote by a French intellectual - I don't recall precisely which one - who said, "what's the world coming to when an afternoon spent staring out of a window is considered a waste of time?" It might be argued that a whole afternoon is slightly unnecessary, but I recommend next time you are alone in a public place, taking a handful of moments to glance around at your surroundings. Pick at random something completely incongruous or banal; something thriving along unnoticed in its ordinariness; it could be a coffee machine or ceiling fan, 'Exit' sign or wall panel. Stare at it and try, maybe for just half a minute, to devote all your concentration on the observation on it. With an open mind you might just glimpse something, some fresh angle or nuance, that with increased effort begins to bleach away the inherent mundanity to offer a clean interpretation that had hitherto remained concealed.

I do believe that from time to time we could all benefit from a concerted re-engagement with our fundamental realities instead of succumbing to the compulsive habit of technological distraction. Sometimes its easy to suspect that the more reassuringly connected we are with the online landscape, the more readily psychological barriers are erected between ourselves and genuine human connection.